They say hindsight is 2020.
It’s never been more true as it is today.
I thought I was totally ready for you, but as it turns out, I didn’t know I was strong enough for you.
2019 had been a hectic year, both personally and professionally. I was looking forward to staying healthy, traveling throughout Europe, and fun adventures with my family.
January and February started off innocently enough. Back to back work trips to NYC and a week of solo parenting while Jon was in Amsterdam left me tired and fighting off a bad cold.
March can only be described as a tidal wave of emotions, wins, losses, grief, and sleepless nights. It was hard to believe that an epic ski weekend filled with fun dinners, tubing, hot tub adventures, a mommy/son day at the children’s museum, and so many laughs, would be later referred to as so many of our lasts.
During the weeks leading up to the ski trip, work had been getting a little bit more stressful each and every day with the virus affecting travel to China. If only I knew that getting a WiFi hotspot for our trip to North Conway would just be the beginning. Travel to Italy began getting cancelled, and the late nights of work calls started happening with President Trump enacting the travel ban. I remember sitting in my bed with my laptop, iPad and my phone, not even knowing how to react.
March 16th was the last day I stepped foot into my office. The world had been shutting down for days and weeks, and I will fully admit that I was still very much in denial when I drove into my garage that afternoon. For the 59 straight days following that, (which seemed more like 590 days) I wore multiple hats. I worked a lot, and my son watched far more tv than I care to admit. There were days when I realized he was still in his pajamas at 4pm and there were nights when I woke up at 3am to get a head start on the work day. I used the weekends to “catch up” and every day blended into one. The laundry just never seemed to end. At times, our 1800 sq. ft house felt like a 400 sq. ft Manhattan apartment. We are a family that had been always on the go and transitioned to a stay at home all.the.freaking.time family.
On March 30th, I realized that I hadn’t worked out in two weeks and my mental health needed a routine badly. On a whim, I downloaded the @onepeloton app. Today, I completed my 8,000th minute of exercise. I’ve lifted, biked, and run more consistently than ever before. I’ve grown relationships and truly embraced the community as a result. I don’t know where I would be without my daily trip to “the gym” aka my basement.
I didn’t leave my neighborhood for ten straight weeks. Walks around the block were really the only thing I was comfortable doing. I missed my parents, my co-workers, and my friends. My son missed his grandparents and his cousin and his little friends from school. At times, it was all too much.
On May 15th, I learned that my travel role was being temporarily furloughed for the summer. I cried that afternoon, for the first time in weeks, out of both frustration and relief. While I feared the transition, I knew that it was absolutely what our family needed to survive.
We spent the summer breathing in that fresh air. We hiked, swam for hours, made s’mores, socially distanced with close friends, read, meditated, and enjoyed many weekdays on the beach. It wasn’t easy to go from a full time working mom to COO of a newly minted four year old. The days were long and I found myself both wanting them to fly by and slow down at precisely the same moment.
The fall has always been my favorite time of year. I plunged myself into Halloween and organized a socially distant parade for 200 of our neighbors so that the kids could have some normal times. Since then, the holidays have all been strange. I miss the hectic times but I am also so thankful for the calmness that has been this year.
I don’t have 2021 all figured out, in fact, I really have no idea how it’s going to go. I’m realizing that is okay too. This year has taught me to pivot, to be resilient, to embrace change, and to focus on both my mental health and well-being while putting my family above all else. I’ll see you when I get there.
